I’m fine with knowing Brussels sprouts are good for me but feeling a particular loathing towards them. I’m good with knowing the grammar in a worship song is atrocious but singing it anyway . . . well, sometimes. For most of my life I’ve been OK with knowing sleep is important but shortchanging that sleep when I feel like doing something else.
I struggle with knowing how God sees me and how I see myself. I wish I could accept his view of me as easily as I accept an erroneous one. It’s not a daily angst because I don’t allow myself to dwell on it too much, but it’s there.
I see myself as lacking in so many areas. I feel like Paul when he writes in Romans 7 that he does the things he shouldn’t even while wanting to do the things he should. Somehow it’s not comforting to be in such good company. I want to be organized. I want to be efficient. I want to be fit and healthy. I want to be more involved in my church. I want to try new things. I want to be a prayer warrior. I want to ____ –well, you fill in the blank. If you know me, you have a plethora of choices. If you don’t, I’m sure you can make an educated guess.
When I look at the list (both written and unwritten) it confirms my idea that I’m more than a bit of a failure in so many areas. Totally lacking and incomplete, I am.
Thankfully God doesn’t look at me this way. He sees me as he sees Christ. (I John 3:2). I can’t fully understand it, but I cling to it. I know God sees me finished. He sees me now through the blood of Christ–forgiven and restored. He also sees me complete. He sees how I have persevered to maturity–complete and lacking nothing! (James 1:4) It’s mind boggling.
I’m working at internalizing and owning this. I regularly pray for God to allow me to see other people the way he sees them. I need to ask him for a clearer picture of how he sees me.
How does God see you? Do you believe him?
photo from Ifnena on Flickr Creative Commons
Jammin’ over at Faith Barista today. Check it out.