The part that makes me say, "mostly" is the ugly side of my job.  This week I've spent big chunks of time working on Child Safety & Protection Policy.  I've spent hours reviewing our policy in the light of best practices and standards.  I've made charts comparing what this says to what that says.

The thing is, it's not just theoretical.  It's practical.  And it's pretty much ugly.

You can't talk about the right way to handle reporting or investigation without conjuring scenarios that demand reporting and investigation.  Those scenarios are never good.  They are not the things I want to think about with any regularity, but I must.

I spend a lot of time with a lot of different kids.  In fact, my "kid season" starts very, very soon.  I want to do everything I can to ensure all the kids I work with are in the company of the safest people possible.  We do so much to establish safety in the way kids are transported in automobiles or on their bikes and in so many other venues; we need to do more than that to make sure they're safe from abuse.

There are a few difficult things with that.  I want to be realistic and practical.  I want to protect kids and those who are around them.  It's not easy.  Many times I have to descend into the muck and learn how to think like an unsafe person in order to keep the kids in my charge as safe as possible.  It's the necessary part,  but it's the ugly part.

What are the ugly parts of your job?

original image by Dez Pain on RGBstock.com edited with FotoFlexer

- Chad Phillips

It's graduation time all around the world . . . at least in MK, TCK, and many international schools.  As the graduates celebrate their success of finishing up (a generally) rigorous academic program and look forward to more independence and life in one of the passport countries, they don't always realize their identity is about to be called into question over and over and over again.  If it's not questioned by their peers, their employers, or their schools, they'll question it themselves.

TCKs returning to their passport country are often hidden immigrants.  They look like the people from the nation they now live in, but they don't always know how to act.  What do you say to people behind the cash register?  How do you answer, "Do you want fries with that?"  What's a polite way to tell the school admissions officer that just because you live in Japan it doesn't mean your spoken AND written English lacks fluency because you are, in fact, a native English speaker who has attended an American school.

It's a challenge.  At one time or another almost everyone regardless of provenance questions who they are and where they belong.  It's not simply a TCK thing.  It's a human thing.

What's the answer?  A Christ-centered identity isn't dependent on geography, up-bringing, body shape, or medical history.  A Christ-centered identity grounds you in truth--even when that truth is sometimes hard to accept.  Am I a daughter/son of the King of Kings?  Yup--coheir with Christ, that's who I am.  Am I to die for? Definitely--Christ gave himself as a sacrifice to conquer death so I can live eternally.  Forgiven?  Yes.  Valued?  Without question.

Now I just need to remember and live it.

A Christ-identity doesn't negate TCK experiences and identity. It just puts that part of an identity in perspective.

What do you think?  What's your first thought when your identity is called into question?

picture courtesy of lusi on RGBstock.com

Grab your favorite beverage, lean back in your chair, and enjoy the honesty of the struggle to answer this question.

What do you think of the video?  Monocultural or Third Culture--what are some hard questions you're asked?

bird house image courtesy of Ayla87 on RGBstock.com

I'm sure you're wondering what I read that causes my eyeglass prescription to change regularly.  The simple answer is "just about everything."  Of course, I read about Third Culture Kids.  Sometimes that means I read about Tim Tebow--an easier thing to do when you live in the Denver area and he was a Bronco.  I chase leads on new films about TCKs.  I jump around a lot of blogs about expatriates.  They have information about educating children in another culture, learning a language as an adult, and adjusting to life in a new place--all things I address in my position.

I read about dating, marriage and singleness because I don't know a teen who doesn't have questions about those topics.  I certainly don't have all the answers.  I read about helping children learn a new language because that's a high value in WorldVenture.  Once in a while I find a scholarship competition.  When you work with families who can use all the financial help possible, scholarship info is a potential gold mine. I find practical school type things to help kids learn to read English better or to help their parents conquer a wiggly math concept.  (Trust me, math concepts are often wiggly . . . and slippery.)  I read about laws and policies that help keep kids safe.

I find great ideas to use in my summer class room.  Some of them I can adapt to the themes and ideas I want to teach; others are tailor made for what we do.  Since I'm not really a pre-school/elementary teacher (and those are the kids who take a good chunk of my time), so I need all the help I can get.  I love finding new tools to help me convey the truths I want them to learn.  A few of the things I find are just practical--a time out jar or instructions for making an alternative to water balloons.  (Yes, my idea of practical may not be the same as yours!) While I know these finds don't take my place in the classroom, I hope they enhance the experience of each one who enters it.

There's so much stuff out there.  It needs sifting, so I sift.  I read and decide if the article is helpful for the families with whom I work.  If it is, I email it or post it on the parents page on facebook; or if it's for WorldVenture's TCKs, it goes on their page.  If it's applicable to the adult TCKs I know, it just goes straight on my facebook.  Other things go on my pinterest boards because it's better than bookmarking and other people can decide what to do with them.  And yet other things get filed away in different places for training modules.

In case you're wondering, I thought I'd give you the links to some of the places I frequent.  Many of these are new to me.  I hope you find some gems here.

Drieculturen - A Dutch TCK, Janneke, writes about her experiences and TCKs in general

Communicating Across Boundaries - an ATCK, Marilyn, writes about faith, TCKs, the Middle East . . . and so much more.  This is one of my favorite posts on this site--so far.

Multilingual Living is a great source for raising bilingual (at least) children.  It gives a lot of practical tips.

The newest finds have come from Tumblr in the last few weeks.

I Am A TCK is a fascinating mish-mash of visuals and articles from around the web that reflect a TCK life.

International 3CK has a headline about being an international student, but it's scope goes beyond that one aspect.

Poetic Jabbing is a beautiful mixture of pop culture, water images, scripture, Orthodox Christianity, and nuggets about being a TCK.

There are so many others . . . but I don't want to overwhelm you.  This is just a smattering of the places I go to read, see, glean, and pass on pertinent info.

What are some of your favorite places to go on the internet?  Why?

photo courtesy of  Michał Koralewski on RGBstock.com

One of the biggest challenges in moving to a new place is rebuilding community.  If you've just left a place where you were known, accepted, welcomed, and even cherished, the newness of the next place makes it feel you've tripped and fallen into a black hole.  Every bit of life is sucked from you as you get settled into the new, and there's rarely anyone to give you a hand. There's no one who really knows you.  Isolation hurts more than ever.

I think we often forget that new places, new people, new circumstances necessitate some change and (hopefully) some growth.  We forget that the community we left didn't just flourish and welcome us as soon as we walked into the school, the job, the neighborhood.  It took time and it took work.  We had to work at it.  Others had to work at it, too.

As adulthood takes shape, there are fewer places of automatic community.  We have to seek it out.  We have to extend ourselves.

It's great when others ask the questions and extend the invitations.  It's amazing when you find someone you click with a few minutes into your first conversation.  But that's only one side of the story.  To build real community, I have to ask the questions.  I have to invite. I have to risk.  I have to get over myself.

The reward is amazing, but it doesn't happen all at once.  Just like a Quidditch match, community and the Golden Snitch can elude us for a while, but it doesn't mean we give up.  It doesn't mean we walk off and forget about (as if we could!).  We keep at it.  With time we realize we are part of what we've longed for.

We have the Snitch.

(If you're clueless about Golden Snitches and Quidditch.  I'm really sorry.  You should add Harry Potter to your summer reading list.  I promise--it's not evil.)

Confession Time . . . I'm linking up to The Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday, but I spent more than 5 minutes on this.  My thoughts tumbled about like clothes in the dryer and that's how my words came out--messy and jumbled.  So, if you're a 5 minute purist . . . please forgive me my time transgressions.

image courtesy of msrballoons.com

Alexander is the title character in a number of books by Judith Viorst.  The most famous of these books is probably Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  It's an excellent book; it's the one where I met Alexander.  If you've somehow missed this book, you need to fix that.  Get to a library.  Get to a bookstore.  Go to Amazon.com.  Find the book.  It shouldn't be difficult, and it will be worthwhile.

Over the years I've remained Alexander's fan.  I've read other books about him--like Alexander Who Used to be Rich Last Sunday.  It was fine, but it didn't live up to the whole moving to Australia thing.  It wasn't until I read Alexander Who's NOT (Do You Hear Me? I Mean It!) Going to Move that I knew I had a favorite that at least ties, if not supplants the original. The illustrator, Robin Preiss Glasser, captures the essence of Ray Cruz (the illustrator from Alexander and the THNGVB Day) so well you wouldn't suspect the two books were done by two different artists.  There's so much detail that while it's an easy book to listen to, missing the pictures would be a crime.

Viorst beautifully captures the world from Alexander's perspective.  We learn who is important to this engaging and insistent little boy.  We learn about his sense of history in the place he knows as home.  We learn what he will miss.

One of the most pleasant surprises of the whole book, is that Alexander builds a RAFT in order to leave well.  I have no idea if Ms. Viorst knows about the RAFT--the way to leave well so you can enter your new place well.  If she didn't know about it when she wrote the book, she has an innate sense of what it takes to leave well.  While Alexander doesn't go through each stage in order, it's easy to help children identify where he needed Reconciliation and what he did to get it.  Affirmation and Farewells are also easy for children to recognize in the book.  As for Thinking about where he's going?  Alexander does a great job of that, too.

I can't think of a better book for any highly mobile child to have in his highly mobile library.  It's slim and light and would travel easily.  I encourage the families I work with to get a copy and to use it as part of their moving traditions.  See how Alexander builds his RAFT, and then discuss how your family needs to build its own.  You'll laugh with Alexander.  You'll be sad with him.  Best of all, you can move with him.  He's so portable, he'll easy fit into a highly mobile life.  You won't be sorry you brought him along.

]]> http://www.sherylobryan.com/alexander/feed/ 1 http://www.sherylobryan.com/context/ http://www.sherylobryan.com/context/#comments Fri, 20 Apr 2012 18:11:49 +0000 Sheryl http://www.sherylobryan.com/?p=1861 It's all about context.  Some words send my spine into tingling shudders in one context and tingles of joyful anticipation in another.  "Together" is one of those words.

"Get together with the person next to you and pray for ____ (generally something that's too personal to share with most people I know well)" is one of those unwelcome together phrases.  There are others like, "Together we can make this happen"  or "We can conquer this together" .  When I'm pretty sure that means, "I chose you as my partner in this project because I don't have a clue and you're really good at it,"  or "I know YOU can do this and I'll do something else while WE get credit for it."  Those are moments when I don't like together.

But there are "together" times when my heart soars.  When together means my whole family is in one place . . . when the nephews ask if we can play ball together (they've given up on my video game skills; they think I'm much more adept at our version of 4 square) . . . when my gobs of my WorldVenture family is together in one place . . . when pieces of my ICA family travel from the four corners of the world to spend a weekend together . . . when a good friend says, "Let's get together and catch up" . . . those are times when my heart overflows with joy and together is one of the most beautiful words I can imagine.

How do you feel about "together"?  What other words are context dependent in your vocabulary?

photo credit is to one of the amazing members of ICA's class of '91 from the reunion . . . I lifted it off BLU's facebook. It's one of my favorite together memories from this century that doesn't include my biological family.

I'm linking up with the Gypsy Mama again today because I need the prompt and she's just good stuff.  So leave me a comment because you know it makes me happy and shows that we're in this TOGETHER, and then head over to her site to see what others had to say about "together."

Basically it means I'm an introvert (I get my energy from being far away from the maddening crowd) who is more intuitive than sensory oriented.  When operating in full INFP force I let my heart rule my head.  As for the P?  Basically it means I prefer piles over files.  I may believe everything has a place, but I really don't know where that would be, how to get the things there, or how to remember what that place was after I put things in it.  It also means I'm not big on routine.  I much prefer spontaneity.  That's where the current rub is.

Last week, my department sat down and planned next year's calendar.  In my life that's a necessary evil.  I loathe the idea of knowing where I will be and what I will be doing on any given date.  For example, unless things change drastically, I will be teaching public speaking to WorldVenture's newest missionaries on July 12, 2013.  (If you don't know your MBTI, and you just thought, "That's so cool!  I wish I knew what I was doing that day!"  You are not a P.  You are a J.  The world needs you.  P's need you.  They just need you to be less enthusiastic.)

I find that fact fairly disheartening.  It's not that I don't like teaching the public speaking module, because I generally like it.  It's that I know what I'll be doing 15 months from now.  There's no room for spontaneity.  There's no room for a wild hare.  There's just predictability.

Predictability has its place.  It's good to know who will be excited about milk chocolate so I can anticipate how much dark chocolate will be up for grabs.  It's good to know the weather forecast because getting caught in a May snowstorm without a jacket is just a silly way to spend the day.  It's good to know what a paycheck will be--for many reasons.  Those are places I like predictability.

You might think to yourself, "C'mon, Sheryl!" You had a school calendar that you've lived with most of your life."  Well, that's true, but it's different.  I could not look at a calendar a year or two out from where I was and know what I'd be teaching.  I knew I'd be in school, but beyond that I could anticipate an unfolding mystery not a done deal.  And school breaks?  They were very mysterious and full of possibility.

Perhaps that's the crux of the matter--planning the calendar a year or more in advance feels like denying possibility.  It feels like things are set in stone and the rest of life has to revolve around them.  I know that's not entirely true, but that's what it feels like.  (Remember, I'm an F--my heart rules my head when it has free reign.)

So if you're ever headed to a calendar planning meeting and your colleague is dragging his feet, just remember he's probably a P and in this case (in his mind) P probably stands for Painful Process.

Do you like to have a plan and follow the plan?  Do you like to fly by the seat of your pants?  Are you a pile-it or a file-it?

photo courtesy of lusi on rgbstock.com

They're constantly anticipated.  They are constantly dreaded.  They are almost always connected.

When greeting a new person, the first almost always slips out.  The simple question, "Where are you from?" can strike horror and paralysis into the heart of the TCK.  She wonders, "Does she want to know where my parents live---when they're in this country?  When they're in our other country?  Where I went to school?  What my passport says:?  Where I was born?  WHAT?!?!?!!?"

The other dreaded word is the flip side of any salutation.  If there's a hello, there must be a good-bye.  Hellos are easy to say if you don't know they have grief and, yes, sometimes anguish connected to them.  But if this TCK gets to know you, and you get to know him . . . there will be pain and dread when it's time to say good-bye.

Some refuse to say most hellos.  It's not that they're insecure or stuck up.  It's that they already feel the pain of the farewell.  Others hide from leave-taking.  They think it will be easier that way.  They're wrong.  Avoidance only leads to pain that takes much, much longer to heal.

Do you know a Third Culture Kid?  Try to help their dread.  Be more specific about what you want to know, or pursue their vague answer to a place of clarity.  When it's time say good-bye.  Say it.  Help them say it.  You'll both be better for it.

----

Today I did a 5 Minute Friday with The Gypsy Mama.  (I really needed a prompt.  Yesterday my words couldn't find coherence.  The prompt helped today.)  After you've left me a comment, head on over to her site and see what others have to say about Good-Bye.

When Monday is Friday . . .

1. You get to sleep in.  Really, really in.  Hello 10 hours of sleep! That was after a 2 hour nap Sunday evening.  I didn't mean to take a nap so late in the day.  It just kind of happened while I was changing my clothes.  I think I needed some good sleep.

2. You can continue springish cleaning.  My weekend cleaning projects continued today.  I  finished emptying and rearranging kitchen cabinets.  Efficiency and organization are not my strong suits.  I'm trying to change.  I think I might have succeeded in getting rid of some outdated and unused things in the kitchen.  Now I just have to remember where things belong in this new scheme.

3. You get your laundry done.  Three loads and a little leftover.

4. You get to file that mass of papers on the corner of the dining room table.

5. You flip your mattress.  Somehow it used to be easier.  Today's mattress flipping taught me that it really shouldn't be a one person job.

6. You get to bring a little more order to your life.

7. You realize for the umpteenth time paper is your enemy when it comes in the form of mail that is in no way personal, but is still important.  Seriously, I could drown in the stuff.

8. You don't check work email.  Really.  I'm learning that it can be done.

9. You finish the fourth series of Foyle's War.  Ahhhh, BBC!  Murders and history?  You had me with the opening strains of series 1.  I know WWII ended, but only 4 mysteries at a time?  Perhaps you need to be acquainted with Law and Order.  It's not as beautifully done as Foyle's War, but they haven't run out of story lines yet.

10. You realize that you didn't post your Monday blog as you intended.  You spend what should be making the bed time and the beginning of sleep to tell people why there wasn't a post earlier in the day,

11. You don't leave the house all day, and you don't feel bad about it.

That's what happens when Monday is Friday.  How was your Monday?

blank calendar image courtesy of rizeli53 on rgbstock,com; words and characters added at picnik.com