I think I assumed there was a guarantee with my birth certificate. I think a lot of people make the same assumption. I hear it often from parents of little girls. “When she grows up and gets married . . . ” That’s the way I hear it most often.
I understand where they’re coming from. Most of the time the people I hear making this statement are happily married Christians. Marriage is a huge part of Christian culture–and rightly so.
Please don’t think I’m disparaging marriage. I’m not. I’m a big fan of marriage, especially of marriages centered on Christ. My parents and grandparents model (and modeled) a great example of commitment and selflessness found in strong marriages. Living on a small patch of land in Africa surrounded by couples committed to each other and their marriages reinforced my idea that marriage is desirable and worthwhile.
I still think that. Now, however, I know it’s not guaranteed. It’s not my birthright.
Truly, I don’t know if someone had told me that when I was a little girl how I would have reacted. I don’t know if it would’ve crushed me. It may have, or it may have spurred me to prove them wrong. I’m not sure. Perhaps I was told and disregarded such a seemingly ridiculous thought.
I don’t want to seem bitter. I really don’t think I am. I love to see a strong, healthy marriage. I love to hear my friends who are excited about their weddings but more excited about their marriages. I still hope I’ll join the ranks of the married one day, but I know today isn’t the day.
Parents—of both princes and princesses—please don’t assume your child gets a birth certificate and a guarantee of marriage. Please incorporate singles into the life of your family. Please remind your children both marriage and singleness are viable for them. Surround them with people who do both well. After all, even though we think one state may last forever, there’s no guarantee that either singleness won’t follow even the best of marriages or marriage won’t follow the healthiest of singleness-es.
The only guarantee I know is that satisfaction is ultimately found in God. He’s the only one who will perfectly fulfill me. He’s the only one with a guarantee.
What do you wish someone had told you about marriage?
image courtesy of Vectorportal
Today I’ve joined the Faith Barista’s Faith Jam. Every week Bonnie’s asking other bloggers to “jam like musicians” on a faith and life related topic. This is my riff on “What I wish someone had told me about marriage.” I’d love to read your thoughts on the topic. Please leave a comment or a link to your blog if you’ve jammed on this. If you’re interested in seeing what others had to say, please follow the link over to the Faith Barista site.