Waiting for the Red Bird

King CardinalStruggle seems omnipresent in my life lately.  No matter how much I wish it away, it doesn’t catch on and leave.  My health has been wearing me down—all the doings with my thyroid and now my uterus has jumped back on the bandwagon.  In short they keep growing things they shouldn’t.  My thyroid produces nodules like crazy.  My uterus thinks it’s in competition with the thyroid and is creating polyps at record speeds.  Because my body is so busy creating things it really doesn’t need, the rest of me is experiencing fatigue like never before.  And to top it off, the cortisone shot that saved my knee last fall has worn off.  So, I’ve got pain from top to bottom at various moments of my day.

The physical struggles trigger emotional ones.  If I would have had a hysterectomy 16 months ago, I wouldn’t be facing half the big problems I am now; but I think I would’ve abandoned some of my dreams when I abandoned my uterus.  I couldn’t face it then, and I don’t think I can deal with it now.  Last week I read this article and felt like the author had been reading my journal, eavesdropping on my prayers, and generally invading my thoughts without my knowledge or permission.  She echoes many of my thoughts, dreams and fears.  Though the particulars may differ, the basics are the same . . . except that I’m still waiting for the red bird.

photo courtesy of Runner Jenny

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